YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
