I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
