Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
