We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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