Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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