Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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