just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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