i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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