I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
