yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
