Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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