I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
