My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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