i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize