I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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