Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize