i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
