Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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