she was so not down for the gang bang
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
