u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
