You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
