i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
