i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
