i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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