YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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