I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
