you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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