I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
