Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
