What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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