Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
only you would photoshop your dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
