Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
