cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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