make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
