we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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