hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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