Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
