Umm I'm too high to move.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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