You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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