Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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