it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize