Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
