i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
