my vag is so smooth its legendary
he thought i was a dude.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize