This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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