you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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