I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
