just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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