apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
