he shaved USA in his pubs
i think i have two assholes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
