I don't think brook has ever known best
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
