Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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