If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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