last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize