This is not my ceiling
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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