Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
