She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The best revenge is premature balding
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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