Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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