I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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