when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
