apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
