dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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