i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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