We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
