you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
