We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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