i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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