So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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