i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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