So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
