woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
