His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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