In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
