I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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