what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
