You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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