Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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