O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
