My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
