Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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