i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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