Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
