I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
