Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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