If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
