hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
