I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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