You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
that's an acceptable place to lick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
