so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
