Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
