Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
