Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
