The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
