Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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